What if kanari was evil?

Welcome to Kanari’s Bean Restaurant.

a healing place

Imagine a place where you can fill your belly and heal your HP. With Kanari, you can achieve both. We have nurses on tap with the finest Mexican healing beans, for your pleasure, or recovery.

steal organs

In both universes, Kanari has decided Damaar no longer deserves his kidneys. They have been replaced with cans of Kidney beans.

SUMMONED FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL.

Kanari’s beans are straight from the devil’s mouth, try some today.

LOTS OF BEANS.

BEEEAAANNNSSS

MASTER CHIEF

Dun na na nuuummmm, Dun na na nuuum, da, Dun na na nuuuummmm…..

THE HOSPITAL

BEAN MASTER

Executive Chef


Introducing Chef Kanari, a culinary virtuoso whose expertise lies in the miraculous healing properties of beans. With an intuitive touch and a passion for nourishing both body and soul, Chef Kanari transforms the humble legume into a symphony of flavors that restore vitality and bring comfort to all who taste her creations. In her kitchen, every dish is imbued with love and care, from hearty bean stews that soothe the weary to vibrant salads bursting with nutrition. Known as the "Bean Alchemist," Chef Kanari's culinary magic knows no bounds as she harnesses the power of beans to heal and inspire, one delicious bite at a time.

HER WIFE

0tterpop/Deamon.


Meet Otterpop, a visionary artist whose creativity knows no bounds. With a palette as vibrant as her imagination, Otterpop breathes life into her artwork, capturing the beauty of the world through her unique perspective. From whimsical illustrations that evoke childlike wonder to intricate designs that showcase her meticulous attention to detail, Otterpop's artistry mesmerizes all who behold it. With each stroke of her brush or pen, she invites viewers on a journey of exploration and discovery, leaving an indelible impression on their hearts and minds. Otterpop's talent transcends boundaries, making her not just an artist, but a storyteller whose work resonates with joy, inspiration, and boundless creativity.

PROGENITOR

Bam


Enter Bam, the comedic genius whose infectious laughter lights up any room. With a wit as sharp as a chef's knife and a knack for creating unforgettable moments, Bam is the life of the party. He's the mastermind behind the infamous bean cult joke, weaving absurdity and humor into every punchline. Whether he's cracking jokes or pulling pranks, Bam's playful spirit brings joy and laughter to all who are fortunate enough to be in his presence. With Bam around, there's never a dull moment, as he effortlessly turns ordinary situations into uproarious comedy gold.

REVIEWS

  • “Kanari's beans really helped me when i was recovering from having my kidneys replaced with cans of kidney beans.”

    Damaar (Sleepy Boi)

  • “Kanari really helped me when i went to kill god, she healed my hp after the battle and even fed me beans!”

    0tterpop/Deamon

  • “Number 1 source of beans in the west.”

    Seany

  • “I was a recovering cocaine addict when i met kanari. Now i'm a full-time bean addict. Thanks kanari!”

    Ronnie2k

  • "*sleepyboi emoji*"

    Peanut2u

  • "Kanari lets me murder people, as long it's for the company"

    namkrap

  • "They don't know i'm bam"

    Bam

  • "I'm going to be completely honest here, and say that I have no idea what's going on; but I'll give these beans 5 stars if you stop pointing that gun at me."

    Pusea

  • "This is cool and all, but when is kanari going to shove lucky charms up her ass?"

    Kratakis

  • "She is a loving nice person who tries to make everyone happy, despite killing orphans. Her beans are nice too."

    MKR017

  • "I thought this image was nice."

    God (pre-death)